Things I'll Never Say
by Palladias
Summary: Songfic to Avril Lavigne's popular hit. This is HGNL from Neville's perspective. This is the scene where Neville asked Hermione to the Yule Ball.


"Today, we will be crafting the forgetfulness potion. Potter, do you know the proper simmering time for a forgetfulness potion?"  
  
Her hand went up as usual. As usual, Snape ignored it.  
  
"No, Professor."  
  
"Ms. Granger, put your hand down, you silly girl."  
  
How could he treat her like that. The smartest witch in their year, and Snape had to go out of his way to put her down. He ached to defend her. He was such a coward. What was he doing in Gryffindor?  
  
I'm tuggin' at my hair. I'm pulling at my clothes. I'm trying to keep my cool, I know it shows.  
  
"The potion must simmer for half an hour. If you do not work quickly, your potion will be worthless. You may begin. now!"  
  
He started adding the ingredients carefully. No reason he'd mess up if he were careful. Maybe later he could even ask her to the Yule ball. He glanced back at Hermione. His hand slipped. Instead of adding a dash of leech juice, he'd dropped the whole cup into the cauldron.  
  
"Well, well, well Mr. Longbottom. What a surprise," Snape said silkily. "Ten points from Gryffindor."  
  
I'm staring at my feet. My cheeks are turning red. I'm searching for the words inside my head.  
  
Snape moved on to lament to the class the agony of teaching such incompetents. She moved over to him. "Powdered bloodroot will neutralize the leech juice, Neville. Here, take some of my extra."  
  
She was so nice. Her warm brown eyes paralyzed him. "Thanks, Hermione. What do I do about the cup, though?"  
  
"Just scoop it out with the spoon you've been stirring with." She was so practical. Neville turned to thank her and drove the cup against the side of the cauldron. It smashed.  
  
Cause I'm feeling nervous, Trying to be so perfect, Cause I know you're worth it, You're worth it yeah.  
  
"Here, let me help you with that." Their hands brushed on the handle. Neville flushed red. In a moment Hermione had his potion deglassed and magenta, the proper color. "If you're having trouble, I can help you after dinner. That work for you?"  
  
"Thanks a lot, Hermione." Why did his voice have to shake so much? Whatever he said was wrong.  
  
If I could say what I want to say, I'd say I want to blow you. away. Be with you every night, Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could see what I want to see, I want to see you go down. on one knee, Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away, With these things I'll never say.  
  
The day crawled by. At last it was time to meet Hermione in the library. He liked to see her there. She found out such interesting facts and acted on them, S.P.E.W. for example. Some students might have found out about the house elves, but only Hermione would crusade for their rights. She was so passionate about what she believed in. He had even sent a letter to his gran yesterday asking her to free their house elf.  
  
Victor Krum suddenly hurried out of the library nearly knocking Neville down. The tittering girls comprising Krum's fan club did knock him sprawling. He righted himself and went in. "Hi, Hermione."  
  
It don't do me any good. It's just a waste of time. What use is it to you what's on my mind? If it ain't comin' out, we're not going anywhere So why can't I just tell you that I care?  
  
"Oh. Hi, Neville," she said flatly. She looked as nervous as he felt. She was bright pink and kept running her hand through her hair. "So we're.uh.reviewing the.um.cheering charms?" She didn't even remember what subject he was here about.  
  
Cause I'm feeling nervous, Trying to be so perfect, Cause I know you're worth it, You're worth it yeah.  
  
"I'm here about Potions, remember. I wanted your help on the forgetfulness potion." She looked blank for a moment. "Oh, of course," she said quickly. "I forgot. Sorry, Neville. What do you want to know?"  
  
What did he want to know really? Dare he ask?  
  
If I could say what I want to say, I'd say I want to blow you. away. Be with you every night, Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could see what I want to see, I want to see you go down. on one knee, Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away, With these things I'll never say.  
  
"I have a really important question, Hermione. But it's not about potions."  
  
"What is it then? Transfiguration? I know it's not Herbology. You're one of the best in that class."  
  
"You really think so?"  
  
"You're giving me a run for my money for top marks. Professor Sprout's really impressed."  
  
"Actually, it's not about school. Well it is sort of. I mean it's not directly related to any school subject. It is taking place in school and well.." He trailed off.  
  
What's wrong with my tongue? These words keep slipping away. I stutter. I stumble like I've got nothing to say.  
  
"Spit it out, Neville. It can't be that bad," she replied.  
  
Neville felt like he had swallowed gillyweed. He gurgled for a few seconds. "Wouldyouliketogototheballwithme?" he mumbled.  
  
Cause I'm feeling nervous, Trying to be so perfect, Cause I know you're worth it, You're worth it yeah.  
  
"What did you say, Neville? You're inaudible."  
  
"Would you like to go to the Yule ball with me?" She didn't respond. "I mean you're so nice and helpful. You help me outside of class. You fight for what you believe in," he babbled on. If he kept talking, Hermione wouldn't give the answer he could see in her eyes. If he kept talking, he wouldn't cry.  
  
"I'm really sorry, Neville," Hermione interjected when he paused for breath. "Someone else asked me. I'd go with you otherwise."  
  
Neville couldn't let it drop, "Who're you going with then?"  
  
"I can't tell you, Neville. I'm sorry. It's complicated"  
  
Guess I'm wishing my life away, With these things I'll never say.  
  
He ran out, ignoring Madam Pince's yells. On the way out he bumped into Ginny Weasley. Literally. He was hardly paying a lot of attention to where he was going. Neville might as well ask her. He really didn't want to go alone. "Would you like to go to the ball with me, Ginny?"  
  
"Sure," she said after a moment.  
  
"Great," he said half-heartedly. The library was still in sight. Hermione had returned to her book and was reading again.  
  
If I could say what I want to say, I'd say I want to blow you. away. Be with you every night, Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could see what I want to see, I want to see you go down. on one knee, Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away, With these things I'll never say.  
  
Neville went back to the dormitories after that. He sat on his bed glumly feeding Trevor. It didn't make him feel any better. All he could think about was the time Hermione had helped him with his Shrinking Solution and saved Trevor's life. He stopped concentrating on Trevor, and the toad hopped down the stairs. "Trevor!" Neville moaned. "Come back!"  
  
Neville followed Trevor down the stairs and dove under an armchair. "Gotcha!" he whispered. Then he heard his name. The chair he was under seemed to belong to Ron Weasley.  
  
"We're the only ones left who haven't got anyone to go with - well, except Neville. Hey - guess who he asked? Hermione!"  
  
"What?" That was Harry. He sounded shocked.  
  
"Yeah, I know!" said Ron. "She told him she was already going with someone. Ha! As if! She just didn't want to go with Neville.. I mean, who would?"  
  
Neville hurried upstairs after that. Trevor was forgotten. He tried to immerse himself in a Herbology book. What an idiot he'd been. How could he have thought she'd go with him? His shoulders shook with silent tears. The text Professor Moody had lent him on undersea plants soon appeared to have been found underwater.  
  
Guess I'm wishing my life away, With these things I'll never say. 


End file.
